The Goal Was Never to Stop Getting Triggered

For anyone who has ever thought, “Really? After all this work?”

Over the last several weeks, we've talked about peace, uncertainty, urgency, guilt, and the stories our nervous systems quietly tell us. This week, I've been thinking about something a little more personal. Not because I have some profound answer to offer, but because I caught myself believing something that I know isn't true.

Maybe you've done this too. I had one of those afternoons where I just didn't quite feel like myself. Nothing terrible had happened. No crisis. No major conflict. I simply noticed that everything felt a little harder.

• My thoughts were louder.

• My patience was shorter.

• My nervous system felt...busy.

I felt sad. . . anxious. . . on edge. And for a brief moment, I caught myself thinking, “Really? After all this work?”

The thought only lasted a second, but it surprised me.

Because somewhere along the way, I had quietly started expecting emotional regulation to become emotional immunity. As if learning enough neuroscience, spending years doing this work, and helping other people regulate their nervous systems meant I would eventually stop having days like this.

The funny thing is, if one of my coaching clients had said those exact words to me, I immediately would have reminded them that this was never the goal.

The goal was never to stop having difficult days. The goal was to notice sooner. To recover faster. To become more compassionate toward ourselves in the moments we need it most.

As I sat with that thought, I realized something. I think we quietly celebrate the breakthroughs. The moments when everything clicks. The days we feel calm, clear, and grounded. But we rarely talk about the ordinary Tuesday afternoon when an old pattern quietly shows up...and we choose to respond differently than we would have a year ago.

Those moments don't usually make it onto social media. But I think they're where the real work happens.

What’s Happening in the Brain

One of the things I appreciate most about understanding the brain is that it reminds me my nervous system isn't trying to make my life harder. It's trying to protect me.

Some days we're carrying more cognitive load, we've slept less, we've been traveling, making more decisions, or simply moving through more complexity than usual. And sometimes our nervous systems respond accordingly.

That doesn't mean we've lost progress or that we've failed. It simply means we're human.

Emotional regulation isn't about eliminating activation. It's about changing our relationship with it. Over time, the goal isn't fewer emotions. It's greater flexibility:

• We notice sooner.

• We recover more quickly.

• We stop believing every story our nervous system tells us.

And perhaps most importantly, we become kinder to ourselves while it's happening.

Coherence Check

This week, I found myself asking a different question. Instead of “Why am I feeling this way?” I asked: “What might my nervous system need from me today?”

That small shift changed everything. I stopped trying to fix myself. I stopped looking for evidence that I'd somehow gone backwards. I simply acknowledged that today required a little more care than yesterday.

There's something incredibly freeing about realizing that progress isn't measured by having perfect days.

Progress is measured by how we meet ourselves on imperfect ones.

Signals I’m Paying Attention To This Week

• Healing doesn't eliminate difficult emotions.

• One hard day doesn't erase months of growth.

• Awareness is progress.

• Recovery is progress.

• Self-compassion is progress.

As time passes, the less interested I am in becoming someone who never struggles and the more interested I become in becoming someone who knows how to respond with curiosity instead of criticism.

Because perhaps emotional regulation isn't about becoming less human. Perhaps it's about becoming more compassionate toward the human you've always been.

A Question to Sit With

Before you move on with your week, I'd invite you to spend a few quiet minutes with this question:

When was the last time you mistook being human for failing?

Just notice what comes up. Sometimes the stories we tell ourselves reveal far more than the emotions we're trying to change.

Remember, Your Presence Is Your Super Power

— Teresa